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What One Sees Chapter 1- Death
I can see it. As clear as white on black. I feel myself losing connection to the most important thing in my life- the present. Then, there is total darkness. I awake, not sure how long I was out. But when I awake, things aren't normal. I'm standing in front of a huge brick building. Crosset Brook Junior High is written in white letters on it. I'm at a school. I walk in, my legs shaking with every step I take. Nobody is outside the building, or in the hallways, so class must have already started. I follow my instincts to a random classroom. I'm not sure why I chose that one, it was just like I was pulled towards it. I get to the door, which is open, and all eyes turn to me. Everybody looks about my age- thirteen. The teacher walks over to me. "Hello! My name is Ms. Cardone. Are you a new student?" she says to me. "Um....." I reply. "First day jitters. I get it! Let's see, where is there an open desk for you to sit at?" she says. A red-haired girl with her hair tied back, wearing yellow-framed glasses raises her hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Here! There's a seat next to me!" says the girl. "Very well, you can go sit over there." says Ms. Cardone. I nervously walk to the desk. "Hi! I'm Carmen." says the red-head when I sit down. "H-hi. I'm Michaela." I say to her. "Um, what class is this?" I ask her. "Social studies. Didn't you get a schedule?" "Oh. You wouldn't understand." "Okay..." Carmen looked confused and a little offended. I didn't mean to hurt her, it's just that I don't even understand. "Carmen, it's not anything that you should be hurt by. Why don't we hang out after school today?" I felt I should be nice to her. She willingly offered for me to sit with her, when everyone else just glanced around the room. And, honestly, she didn't appear to have any friends. "You mean, in five minutes? The day's practically over. But sure, we can do that. I live right down the road. You can walk home with me!" she says. "Sounds great!" Okay, maybe this will help me piece things together. In a few minutes, the bell rings and school is over. "Michaela, don't you have a backpack?" Carmen asks me. "Um, no. My mom said that I won't need it today." That's a complete lie. I'm not sure where my family is, or if they're even alive. I can tell Carmen the truth when I figure out what's going on. "Okay. C'mon, we leave through Section D to get to my house." "Okay." We start walking, and then we turn onto a road with a house that draws me like the classroom did. I absentmindedly walk towards it, but Carmen stops me. "Woah, don't go there!" she says. "Why not?" "It's been condemned." "What?" It hits me. That's my house. That's why I was drawn to it. But condemned? "It's been condemned. You know, closed due to health hazards. Nobody has lived there for fifty-four years." What? I'm clearly in a different time, but is it the future, or the past? "W-w-why was it condemned?" I'm stuttering again. How embarassing. My cover isn't staying well. "Fifty-four years ago, year 2011, everybody who lived there died, all within a few days of each other. The people at the hospital said that none of them had been badly ill before they died. So, their property was thoroughly inspected. Then, it was found." "W-w-what was found?" "Toxic waste. The house was built on top of a huge toxic waste dump, and nobody knew about it. There was so much of the toxic waste, they've been trying to get rid of it since the family died. They still haven't gotten rid of it all." "How do you know all this? It happened long before you, er, we, were born!" "I do my research. It was the cover story of the local newspaper when the toxic waste was discovered. I found it online." "When in the year 2011 did the family die?" "In the late spring. Why are you asking all these questions?" "Um, I'm interested in these types of things. Like mysterious deaths. I'm hooked on those." Toxic waste. How did my family not notice that? Then, I have a blackout. Its a warm, summer day. My mom is in the garden, and I'm watching her. We never had successful plants. All the plants in our garden die. Except the ones in the pots with the soil from the store. "Mommy, why do the flowers keep dying?" I asked. "I think Daddy comes here when we are asleep and tells them scary stories, so they die." "Thats silly. Stories can't make flowers dead!" "Well, if happy talking helps them grow, why can't sad talking make them die?" "I dunno." "Michaela. Michaela! You okay?" I exit my flashback with a jolt from Carmen calling me. "Carmen, can you keep a secret?" "Absolutely."
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 8:55 am on January 7, 2012
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 10:40 am on January 7, 2012
Oh my gosh this is like the best story EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please continue!!!!!!! For me? (I would like it if you put me in it but I think it's kinda not polite to say that......)
P.S. I added your card
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it!
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
If Murphy's law can go wrong, it will.
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
Posted at: 12:02 pm on January 7, 2012
I personally really enjoyed it. It's captivating! I really hope you do continue. :) I loved the flashback by the way. Please continue!!!I read it and I loved it. :D
Life is a song and your ♥ writes the lyrics
Be yourself, the world needs oRiginaLity. ✌☮
Somewhere between you and despair, I fell in love with chocolate
Posted at: 12:41 pm on January 7, 2012
What One Sees Chapter Two- Truth "What? Are you joking?" "Carmen, I'm serious. I'm from the year 2011. That's my house! I apparently die very soon! You've got to believe me!" I say to Carmen. "Prove you're from the past. If you don't have proof, I can't believe you." How the heck am I supposed to prove it? Wait- of course! It's that simple!
"Look my name up in the phone book." I say to her.
"Phone book? We don't have phone books. What is a phone book?" "In my time, we had huge books delivered to our houses about once a year. It contained every home phone number and address of the people who let them put theirs in." "Oh! We have those, but online only. I'm almost convinced. But you could have just made that up. C'mon, you can come into my house and we can look up your name." "Okay." So, we go in, and this is what happens: First Name- Michaela Middle Name- Kaytlin Last Name- Levid No Results Found. "See?" I say. "I guess you are telling the truth. But that means.... You're dead." "Not yet. I must have came here before I died. If I had died and then came here, well then I'd be dead." "What do we do?" "I'm not sure. Frankly, I'm not even sure how or why I'm here, fifty-four years after my death." "Maybe, just maybe, Fate is giving you the chance to change your future." "Fate? I don't believe in that stuff." "But why else would you be here?" "I have no idea. I didn't even think time travel was possible. And did it occur to us that my body might be stuck in my time period, unconscious?" "I don't think so. If that was the case, you would probably be in the form of a ghost, but everyone can see you." "True. But, let's say you're right about that Fate thing, what should I choose to do? If I choose to save myself and my family from the toxic waste, that would mean that this would have never happened once my family and I were safe. So it would effect your life, too." "Then I'm not sure what to do. Maybe my cousin can help us." "You promised not to tell anyone!" "It wouldn't be breaking a promise if you gave me permission. And my cousin Matt is brilliant. He's twenty-two years of 'wow'." "No! We don't need the whole world to know about this! I just needed to tell someone, and you happened to be the one to help my wrap my mind around this." "Fine. But first, you have to figure out how the toxic waste kills you and your family, and then decide if you can and want to prevent it." "And how do you think I could do that?" "Well, I've always been interested in time travel, so I've read stories, internet articles, pretty much everything related to time travel that I could find." "And you learned a theory that can supposedly help someone who traveled to a different time learn what happens later the person's original time period?" "Shockingly, yes. But only if it was something that happens to that person, their friend/friends, or their relative/relatives." "Hit me with it." "Huh?" "That means 'Tell me what it is'. 'Hit me' would mean plain old 'Tell me', unless you're using it in a game of cards. Its a phrase that was used when I was in my home time period." "Oh. Are you ready?" "As ready as I'll ever be."
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 8:07 am on January 8, 2012
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 10:09 am on January 8, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 7:21 pm on January 8, 2012
What One Sees Chapter 3- Slumber
"Um, Carmen, what exactly is this mixture made of?" Carmen apparently has some sort of concoction that she found online that may make me see what kills my family and I.
"It contains vinegar, sodium, pomegranate juice, and lemon pulp."
"That doesn't sound like something that would work. It just sounds like a gross juice."
"It's worth a shot."
"Oh, God, save my tastebuds." I mutter softly. Unfortunately, Carmen clearly won't take "no" for an answer. She hands me the glass. It has a weird dark pinkish color. She waits for me to try it. I close my eyes and take a sip and immediately spit it back out. It is nasty. "That's definitely not going to work." I say. Carmen looks upset by this. But it's not my fault! Simple ingredients like that can't perform an insane task like this.
"Carmen, maybe when I go to bed tonight, I'll see something in a dream." I say.
"Dream travel?" she replies.
"Uh, sure. It seems like the most likely solution at this point. But I don't have a place to crash for the night."
"Crash? Don't crash! Go to- wait. 'Crash' means sleep in your time, right? Well, there's a hotel in town that takes in homeless people for free."
"But I'm not- wait, yes I am. But I don't look homeless and poor. I'm wearing a perfectly fine Aeropostale shirt, jeans, and converse!"
"Wanna borrow a clean shirt that nobody wears? We can make it dirty and ripped. And you can also borrow a pair of old, clean, pants. And you can go in barefoot. I'll give you a plastic shopping bag for your clothes and shoes. They won't question you. If they do, say it's a shirt and pants that you found in the garbage."
"You sure this will work?"
"Completely sure. C'mon, let's get the clothes."
10:00 PM- at the hotel- dream
"Mom! I'm home from school!"
"Hello, Michaela! Wait'll you see what I'm making for dinner!" It smells like cooked vegetables. Weird, I don't remember any of this happening. I don't even seem to be choosing what I say and do. It's as if I'm stuck inside someone else's body whose mind is still functioning.
"Whatcha makin'?" I ask.
"A vegetable casserole. I'm using vegetables from the garden. These looked pretty good for a change!"
"Vegetable casserole?"
"Yep! Sounds good, huh?"
"Not really. But even if it is, don't you think it's a bad idea to use vegetables from our garden? They never turn out good."
"Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine. Now, go do your homework quickly. We're having an early dinner."
"Why?"
"You'll find out soon enough!" Now I'm sure this never happened. I must be dreaming. But I can't say anything, only think. These things are just happening. But even if I am dreaming, most dreams aren't this realistic...... Anyway, I do my homework, or should I say, the body I'm in did their homework, and I wash my hands for dinner.
"Are you guys ready?" asks my mother.
"Of course! I can use a hearty and delicious meal right now!" says my father.
"As ready as I'll ever be." I say. I say that phrase a lot, but I never realized how much. If my brain knows that while I'm unconscious, I must say it more than I realize.
"And here it is! The vegetable casserole!" says my mother. My father digs into it like he hasn't eaten in a week and it's the best thing he's ever eaten. I, on the other hand, am not so quick to eat. It looks pretty gross. I take a taste. It is pretty gross.
"Well? How is it?" asks, obviously, my mother.
"Great!" says, obviously, my father.
"Yeah! Really good!" I lie. Well, I still have to eat it. And besides, this isn't real. None of it matters, it's just a dream. I only eat about half the bowl of casserole. My father licks it clean. Literally. My mother eats most of it, but leaves a tiny bit left.
A dream day has gone bye. My father has been experiencing severe stomach pains. It's probably from eating that gross casserole twice- he had it again today for lunch. My mother has been experiencing stomach pains; Not minor, but not major. I have been experiencing minor stomach pains, so my mother made me stay home from school. I'm fine with that.
My dad is lying in bed. He's fallen asleep. Or so it appears. My mom hasn't checked on him in a while. I get up out of bed and look at him. Normally, I can see his chest heaving with every breath he takes. But now I can't.
"Dad?" I whisper. He doesn't respond. He doesn't even open his eyes, or move any muscle.
"Dad?" I say a little louder. Same thing happens- absolutely nothing.
"Dad?" I say at a normal volume. Still nothing. "DAD?" I yell. Still nothing. He isn't this heavy a sleeper, so I cautiously, fighting back tears, try to feel a pulse. He has none.
"MOM!!!!" I yell at the top of my lungs so she knows it's urgent.
"Yes, sweetheart?" she replies after rushing into the room. I'm crying heavily now.
"Dad's........dead."
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 7:49 pm on January 8, 2012
My gosh! This is great! It's so creative! LUV IT! :) :P :D
-Nicole
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 4:49 pm on January 10, 2012
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 7:54 am on January 13, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 5:54 pm on January 13, 2012
What One Sees Chapter Four- Nightmares Dead. My father is dead. He's not alive anymore. Dead. I've never been this shaken up in my entire life. Anyway, my mother's stomach pains are getting significantly worse. She also has a dangerously high fever and is very weak. She never leaves bed now. My stomach pains have also gotten slightly worse, so I still can't attend school.
"Mikey......Mikey.......come here." I hear my mother say in a painful sounding moan. Oh, and my parents often called me Mikey. It's the only nickname they could come up with for me. I'm using the past tense, because now I only have one living parent. I rush into her room. My mother is very pale, and I can tell something is extremely wrong with her. She would have gone to the hospital, but she can't afford it. When I get into her room, I see her holding a folded piece of paper.
"Mom, are you okay?" I ask her.
"I'm afraid not. I don't think we have much time." she replies in her painful moan. "Are you going to........die?" "Shhh. Before your father died, he wrote a letter that he wanted you to read if he dies early, like he did. Here, take it into your room and read it silently." She hands me the folded piece of paper. "Mom, I can't leave you like this!" "You have to. There are some things in life we can't control, like death. If I die today, it was meant to happen. It may be to prevent eternal suffering from whatever killed your father, and will probably kill me. Leave now, dear. I don't want you to see me die......." She ends that sentence holding the last sound for a few seconds. Then, her loud, strained breaths stop abruptly. Her eyes are closed, and she doesn't move. I know too well that yelling her name will do nothing. She's dead, just like my father. I burst into tears at her bedside. "Come back!" I sob. "Come back! I already lost dad yesterday, I can't lose you too! Come back!" I take a deep breath. I run into our, or now my, backyard and collapse to my knees in the middle of it. I look up at the sky. "Mom, I would give anything to have you and dad back. I would give my own life if it meant you two would live! I'll do anything!! I swear on my life, I'll do anything!" I put my head in my hands, and the folded letter from my father seems to get warmer in my back pocket. I gingerly take it out and open it. Mikey, You would truely give anything to have Mom and I back? Even your own life? I'm willing to take you up on that. Love, Dad What does that mean? Did he actually hear me? This is weird. 7:00 AM- Carmen's house "You were right! You found out what kills your family and witnessed them die in your dream! That's pretty cool!" says Carmen. "It would be cooler if it wasn't about my family dying! But let's think about this. We know that the vegetables that were in the casserole were clearly poisoned by the toxic waste, and we were killed from eating it. My dad died first because he ate the most, my mom second for eating the second most, and I must die a little later because I ate the least. We know that clearly. But I had yelled at the sky that I would do anything to get my parents back. And the letter from my dad got warmer right after I said that. It was as if he was listening to me from the heavens and warped the letter for me to get that message. Maybe I wasn't dragged her against my will after all. Maybe my dad brought me here. That's probably what he meant by 'I'm willing to take you up on that.'" "Of course! It makes perfect sense now! He brought you to this year so you could see that the toxic waste was discovered, and showed you that dream so you can know why you're here and what gets you guys killed!" "But he also plans on taking me up on doing anything to get them back. So, he'll probably pull me back in time to the day we were poisoned and make us never eat the casserole." "So, you'll be leaving?" "It would seem so. But, I'll probably die trying to save my parents. My father said that he'd take me up on me risking my life to save them. So, I'll probably choose to exit my life, i.e., die. So maybe before I do, I can beg my dad to let you save me, and maybe I can beg him to let me live in this time period at this age after I have a normal death." "Maybe. But that's not important right now. You have things to do. Like completing the task your dad gave you."
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 8:52 pm on January 13, 2012
Name (this can be yours or a name you want your character to have)
Gender
Age (again, yours or the age you want your character to be)
Personality
Appearance
Now, go for it!
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 9:48 am on January 15, 2012
Gender: girl
Age: 13
Personality: quiet and reserved but really friendly to her friends, very smart
Appearance: long straight black hair, hazel eyes, tall and slender, angled features considered pretty, usually wears t-shirts and jeans
I have an idea...can I be from her old time period from when she died? It's ok if you reject that idea... but I thought it would be cool.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 12:31 pm on January 15, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 1:40 pm on January 16, 2012
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 7:40 pm on January 19, 2012
What One Sees Chapter 5- Anger
"This is crazy. How will I know when my father decides to bring me into a different time period?" I just discovered that pretty soon in my normal life (my 2011 life) I swear to my dead parents that I would do absolutely anything, even risk my own life, to have them alive again. Then, my father, in a letter, says that he will take me up on that. "And what if I accidentally die in this time? Won't that make it so I never existed? Why did my father have to take what I said so literally?"
"Maybe because you meant it literally!" says Carmen. "And, please. Stop freaking out. You're making me all tense." "Oh, I'm sorry!" I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "There's no reason for me to be freaking out. It's not like I'm stuck in a time period about fifty years after my death! Oh, wait, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENING!!"
"Okay, look. We know wha-"
"'Look' yourself! We have a limited amount of time to get things straight, and you're using it all up with your ridiculous nonsense! We can't afford to use up another second! So stop taking your time trying to figure things out with your stupid internet concoctions and loads of garbage!"
Carmen just stares, her jaw dropped.
"Y'know, maybe you were the wrong person to help me out with this." I say. Then I walk out of her house.
"I don't need her help. I can figure this out on my own." I mumble to myself. I look at the house next to Carmen's. The condemned house. My house. It's only seven fifteen in the morning. The people trying to get rid of the toxic waste aren't here yet. It's the perfect time to explore this place. I enter the house.
Everything is exactly the way I remember it. I walk around the living room. The glass table with the wooden border and legs hasn't moved a centimeter. The old-fashion looking couches with the flower designs are still perfectly set up. Even the pillows on them don't appear to have been touched since my family's death. I enter the kitchen. The same beige walls, dark brown and black wooden table and chairs, the big TV on the wall. I look in the cabinets. The cookies that I love and would always eat, now long expired, are still in there. I open the fridge. Even the lettuce and carrot salad (the vegetables obviously store bought) that I would put on bagels is still in the plastic container like I left it. I go into the den. Everything is exactly the same. I go upstairs. I enter my parents' room, and then hold back a scream. Even my parents' bodies haven't been taken out of the house. Ew. I go to my room, and then begin to cry. Everything is the way I left it. My favorite stuffed kitten I've slept with since I was seven is still on my bed. I have a major urge to take it and keep it with me on my travels, but I know that will effect it back in my time. My black picture frame, the one that was supposed to be on tables and dressers, is still on the wall (we cut the stand off and used special wall things to hold it up). I cry even more when I see the photo of my best friend Aly and I in it. I leave my room to prevent myself from crying even more, and go into my backyard.
The entire yard is torn up because of the removal of the toxic waste, so I have to be careful of where I step. But in the middle of my yard is a spot that isn't torn up. It looks like a huge pile of dirt. I walk over to it and move the dirt aside. Then I scream bloody murder at the top of my lungs. Underneath the dirt was a hole. Inside the hole was a dead body. A girl. She's wearing a white top with the word "love" in all capitals the color of light greenish-blue with a silver outline. She's also wearing dark blue jeans. And bright blue converse. I scream bloody murder again. I recognize that girl. Her shaggy brown hair pulled back in a poney-tail, the scar on her nose, the three freckles on the side of her face positioned in the shape of an upside-down triangle. I continue to scream, because the girl in the hole is me.
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 4:35 pm on January 20, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 5:12 pm on January 21, 2012
OMG. I'm speechless. You need to get this PUBLISHED. That's how good it is. I rank it with one of LivelyJade1's stories (that's how amazing it is).
Name: Lizzie (just a name I want my character to have)
Gender: Girl
Age: 12
Personality: quiet when she meets new people, plays basketball, listens when you need her to, laughs a lot, likes to read, sing, act, and make things, anything else you need me to be like (except bad! :D)
Apperance: short (curls under chin), strawberry blonde hair, dark blue eyes, many freckles on nose and cheeks, tall, medium weight, and anything else you need me to look like
Ha, my personality and appearance are based on my own! :)
-Nicole
Plz put me in the story, I don't care when!
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 5:53 pm on January 21, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 8:45 am on January 22, 2012
Great story! Keep writing!
Rebecca
Name: Rebecca (14)
Janus Rocks!
Love u Hammer!
Posted at: 11:20 am on January 22, 2012
Please keep it up!!!!!!! It's utterly fantastic!!!! :D
Life is a song and your ♥ writes the lyrics
Be yourself, the world needs oRiginaLity. ✌☮
Somewhere between you and despair, I fell in love with chocolate
Posted at: 11:23 am on January 22, 2012
-Nicole
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 12:28 pm on January 22, 2012
Name: Emily
Gender: Female
Age: 12
Personality: Fun, caring, loving, dangerous and adventurous. She'll do anything for her friends, literally. She's dangerous because she'll do outragous things. She'll always be there, when she's needed...and not :P. Always supports her friends and cares for them dearly. Not a tomboy, but not a girly girl either...ok, maybe a little girly but isn't that disgusted by everything. :D
Appearance: Brown, flowly hair up to her rib cage. Blue, dazzling eyes. Tanned skin. Tall for her age. Wears just some jeans, a causual shirt but when needed in a fancy party, always curls her hair for some reason and wears an awesome dress.
Thanks!!! :D
"NO JIMMY PROTESTED!"-Louis
"Simple, but effective"-Harry
"Vas Happenin?" -Zayn
"POTATO!"-Niall
"1, 2, 3, flick " -Liam
Posted at: 6:30 pm on January 22, 2012
Wow. There would be no reason in the world why you should stop! Keep it going! :)
@Katelin: Did you see my suggestion on Burning To Ashes? Please respond ASAP! I need to know! Thank you!
GABR!EL. Janus Representative. G02
Me + Katelin + Kurt + Emily + Aya + David + Smiriti + Gabby + Nicky = BTA.
P0$T$:Join the Janus Council!
Posted at: 10:18 pm on January 22, 2012
Of course I do! Both of your stories are great! I can't compare them (because it would be unfair, they're about different topics), but I can rank them! And I rank them together!!!! Side by side!
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 4:50 pm on January 23, 2012
Nicole- Don't worry! I put you in chapter nine! I'll try to get everybody's characters in either chapter nine or later- the other chapters are already written. I'll post the next chapter soon! But words can't explain how much gratitude I have towards all your incredibly great comments! Thanks so much you guys!
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 7:42 pm on January 23, 2012
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
Now I have the song stuck in my head!! :)
"NO JIMMY PROTESTED!"-Louis
"Simple, but effective"-Harry
"Vas Happenin?" -Zayn
"POTATO!"-Niall
"1, 2, 3, flick " -Liam
Posted at: 2:36 am on January 24, 2012
Yahooooooooooooooo! Thank you so much! I'm honored to be in such a wonderful story (oh geez, that makes me sound like someone making a speech)! Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
-Nicole =)
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 4:43 pm on January 24, 2012
Life is a song and your ♥ writes the lyrics
Be yourself, the world needs oRiginaLity. ✌☮
Somewhere between you and despair, I fell in love with chocolate
Posted at: 7:32 pm on January 24, 2012
"NO JIMMY PROTESTED!"-Louis
"Simple, but effective"-Harry
"Vas Happenin?" -Zayn
"POTATO!"-Niall
"1, 2, 3, flick " -Liam
Posted at: 5:53 am on January 25, 2012
But I play bass clarinet and my part doesn't even sound like it would be in the song. Stupid low wind/low brass and their background/metrinome parts. Anyway, I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can. I'm not allowed to use the computer on weekdays now (I'm feeling naughty today
), but maybe I can sneak out of my room at like 3am. If not, I'll post it on Saturday. Oh, and one more thing. @LivelyJade- You have no idea how awesome it is for you to give all this great feedback about my story. Thanks so much! My friends don't even read it .
So, yeah, it really means a lot! Anyway, guys, check back soon and maybe I'll have the next chapter up! Chapter 6, right? Yeah. Well, I have to go finish getting ready for school. Laterz!
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 6:46 am on January 25, 2012
What One Sees Chapter 6- Hostility
Total darkness. I can't feel my body and I can't even think. Slowly my vision starts working again, but everything is blurry. Soon, my vision starts to focus. I'm lying on a bed, and two people- a girl who appears to be about my age and a grown man- are looking at me. "Look, she is waking up." says the girl. "Indeed she is." says the man.
"W-where am I?" I ask. "Such interesting attire. So bold and unusual. But exquisite at the same time. Father, get me clothing just like hers." says the girl.
"Now, now, Trinity, we must first help this poor girl." says the man. The girl's name must be Trinity, and the man must be her father. "Young lady, allow us to introduce ourselves." he says to me. "I am Robert Gettysburg, and this is my daughter, Trinity Gettysburg. What is your name?"
"Michaela. Michaela Levid."
"Such a strange name." says Trinity. "Where are you from? You clearly aren't from around here."
"First can you tell me where I am?" I say.
"Of course. You are in New York. Now, would you be so kind as to tell us where you are from?" says Robert.
"New York? How is that possible?" I mutter. I sit upright and boldly say, "Um, ah, yes! I am from New York." Trinity snickers.
"Not a very bright girl, are you? If you were from here, you wouldn't need to ask where you were. And you don't look and speak like a New Yorker. So tell us, where are you really from?" she says.
"Are you accusing me of lying?" I'm getting a bit sick of Trinity's attitude.
"Lying? No. I've never heard that word used in that way. Fibbing? Yes. Now answer the question. Where are you from?"
Something in my back pocket of my jeans gets hotter. I reach into it and pull out a seemingly very old note. The one from my father. It says:
Mikey, do not fret. You are in year 1894. This man, Robert Gettysburg, is a relative of the man who sold us our house. His family has been dedicated to real estate for generations. Scratch that. His family has been dedicated to becoming wealthy from tricking people into buying dangerous property for a lot of money. His family is very wealthy, and his daughter is very spoiled, but I think you know that already. Befriend her. You will need her help. But stay calm, I will help you out every once in a while.
"Give me that note! I asked you a question, and you are to answer it immediately!" says Trinity. She rips the note out of my hand and looks at it. "Who is this from? Why did you take it out all of a sudden?"
"It's from my father. Can I please have it back?" I say. Trinity leans closer into her father, her eyes glued on me. "This girl is very suspicious. I wouldn't be so kind to her if I were you." she whispers to him, but loud enough for me to hear.
"I'm sitting right here!" I say.
"How dare you eavesdrop on my conversation with Father! Get out of here right now!" she says. She grabs me by my shirt, drags me downstairs, and throws me out the door. Well, not exactly, because she isn't very strong, I help her out with that because I don't want to upset her even more. My father said I need to befriend her, and fighting her will not help.
"I would like you better in jail!" she yells to me. And once again, I'm clueless.
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 6:38 am on January 26, 2012
Whoa! This story has so many twists! How can going back in time to 1894 help her? Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to wait! Darn! I'm not very patient!
-Nicole
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 7:44 pm on January 26, 2012
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 3:23 pm on January 27, 2012
"NO JIMMY PROTESTED!"-Louis
"Simple, but effective"-Harry
"Vas Happenin?" -Zayn
"POTATO!"-Niall
"1, 2, 3, flick " -Liam
Posted at: 1:40 am on January 28, 2012
-Nicole
Kimberly :D
Wind and Fire Speaker
A CHAIN REACTION OF COMPASSION
Posted at: 9:25 am on January 28, 2012
Nope, sorry, not yet. The chapter currently has a few flaws that I need to fix. It turns out, I did come out and say why she is in year 1894, but it was when Michaela was talking, and before that, she was never told why she was there. A big problem. She can't know it without being told. She said her father told her, but he never did. My mistake. See what happens when you write an awesome story? Even when you proofread it, you get sucked into the story and think you did something you didn't. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I fix this problem. Sorry for the delay. Oh, and yeah, I had to get you eager by saying Here it is! Chapter 7!: but then doing this. It's just in my nature. :)
Nat
13 years old
Honorary Tomas Council Member
Co-leader of the NAT (Newbie Aid for Tomas)
Idk, I think I'm kinda awesome...
Posted at: 8:04 am on January 29, 2012
Gender: Girl.
Age: 15.
Personality: mischievious, helpful, careful, calm, easily befriended.
Appearance: dark blonde hair, emerald green eyes, old dirty clothing.
Other: she is the servant of the Gettysburg family.
Georgia
cosplayer
I read books, manga and anime
Vocaloid's Len, Kaito and Gakupo= a "real" boy band!
Posted at: 8:11 am on January 29, 2012