Ok. Here's the intro of the story. Please Give Comments and suggestions!
My dad; he’s a lot of different things. To people at work, he’s a man at the top of the work force and he’s extremely hardworking. To his friends, he’s got it all. He’s got character, and he’s got the money. To my mom, he’s a loving husband who takes care of his family. To my brother and sister, he’s the best dad ever who gets them anything they ask for, and takes them anywhere they want to go. But to me, all the ways he acts like for other people are fake. They’re just a mask, covering up his true identity. He’s a mind controller – and he controls my mind; he knows no mercy.
Tell me if I should continue.
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 11:54 am on December 27, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
*sob* was the story really that bad?
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 11:09 am on December 28, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Please reply!! I'll take even negative comments! Just please, give me suggestions or comments! Anyone?
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 12:49 pm on December 28, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
oh, snap! this story sound WICKED!!! PLEASE CONTINUE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE x 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
ohh! i want to see how it goes!!!
i love this story! (dont worry i'll make sure that this stays on the front page... buddy) btw i added you
ohh! i want to see how it goes!!!
i love this story! (dont worry i'll make sure that this stays on the front page... buddy) btw i added you
Jay
C-mail me at: /show/34701
♅
Cahill Vesper
Aperture Science
Inventor of C-Mail
CEO of AgentCobra26 inc.
Azturpealean
†
Posted at: 10:03 pm on December 28, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
It's really good! Keep writing!
I"m thirteen going into the 8th grade.
I like reading, writing, singing, and dancing.
I like Justin Bieber AND One Direction. Deal with it.
I'm proud to be short.
And I'm a dork!!!!!
-Elzie
Posted at: 10:56 am on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Oh my gosh! You're so nicee! I added you 2! You made my day soooo muchh!! Okayy... Back to the story....
Prologue Part 1
When I was little, my dad took it easy on me. I was free to think my own thoughts, do whatever I wanted to do, and basically live my own life, although I always felt something at the back of my mind. I didn’t know what it was at the time. Everybody looked upon me as a child genius, and I graduated high school at 10. Of course, I was severely bullied in high school, and I still have a few “souvenirs” from the times I spent helplessly wandering the halls, surrounded by people one-and-a-half times my age. Luckily, I only spent two years in high school before I finished grade 12. On graduation day, the presence at the back of my mind disappeared. I remember the relief I felt at graduation, as I stood in the first row with people two heads taller on either side of me. I remember how glad I was that the bullying was finally over, and that all I had to go through was university, and then I would be done. But I was so wrong. I’m still not sure exactly what happened that day. Right after graduation, I got into the car with the rest of my family, so we could go home to have a special dinner. I was squished in the back seat between Connor, who was my twin, although he was in grade 11, and Sarah, who was two years younger, and in grade 8. As I sat in the car, uncomfortably squished, I closed my eyes, and felt something like never before in my life. I could sense the presence of things all around me. There were two presences in the front, and one on either side of me. Suddenly, I realized that these presences were coming from my parents and my brother and sister. I pushed my mind closer to the presence I figured was coming from Connor, and as my mind got closer to his presence, I felt something getting clearer. As the blurred presence became fully clear, I found myself looking into my brother’s thoughts. It was overwhelming. Until then, I had never fully understood how amazingly complex the human brain was, and considering that I was only looking at thoughts, I wondered just how great the brain could be. Looking into Connor’s thoughts, I could see exactly what he was thinking. I could see his desires, hates, likes, ambitions, and, scariest of all, his secrets. I noticed that he was starting to remember something, and I realized that I could see, in full colour, any of his memories, or anything he was imagining. I had full access to anyone’s thoughts. That’s when I realized I was a mind reader.
Sorry it's a bit long... soo what do you think?
Prologue Part 1
When I was little, my dad took it easy on me. I was free to think my own thoughts, do whatever I wanted to do, and basically live my own life, although I always felt something at the back of my mind. I didn’t know what it was at the time. Everybody looked upon me as a child genius, and I graduated high school at 10. Of course, I was severely bullied in high school, and I still have a few “souvenirs” from the times I spent helplessly wandering the halls, surrounded by people one-and-a-half times my age. Luckily, I only spent two years in high school before I finished grade 12. On graduation day, the presence at the back of my mind disappeared. I remember the relief I felt at graduation, as I stood in the first row with people two heads taller on either side of me. I remember how glad I was that the bullying was finally over, and that all I had to go through was university, and then I would be done. But I was so wrong. I’m still not sure exactly what happened that day. Right after graduation, I got into the car with the rest of my family, so we could go home to have a special dinner. I was squished in the back seat between Connor, who was my twin, although he was in grade 11, and Sarah, who was two years younger, and in grade 8. As I sat in the car, uncomfortably squished, I closed my eyes, and felt something like never before in my life. I could sense the presence of things all around me. There were two presences in the front, and one on either side of me. Suddenly, I realized that these presences were coming from my parents and my brother and sister. I pushed my mind closer to the presence I figured was coming from Connor, and as my mind got closer to his presence, I felt something getting clearer. As the blurred presence became fully clear, I found myself looking into my brother’s thoughts. It was overwhelming. Until then, I had never fully understood how amazingly complex the human brain was, and considering that I was only looking at thoughts, I wondered just how great the brain could be. Looking into Connor’s thoughts, I could see exactly what he was thinking. I could see his desires, hates, likes, ambitions, and, scariest of all, his secrets. I noticed that he was starting to remember something, and I realized that I could see, in full colour, any of his memories, or anything he was imagining. I had full access to anyone’s thoughts. That’s when I realized I was a mind reader.
Sorry it's a bit long... soo what do you think?
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 11:51 am on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Love it, love it, LOVE IT!!!!!!
~Missouri~
I wanna be a Vesper
Posted at: 2:57 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
dont stop writing typing this is great
keep going
keep going
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
NAME: BREEZY
i maybe be a ekaterina ,but i break destorye things more then i invent things
Posted at: 3:02 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Awesome!!! Seriously!! I can't see the logic of big posting on this *confused face and scratches head*. Oh well, CONTINUE!!!
"NO JIMMY PROTESTED!"-Louis
"Simple, but effective"-Harry
"Vas Happenin?" -Zayn
"POTATO!"-Niall
"1, 2, 3, flick " -Liam
Posted at: 4:18 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Please keep going on this. Its an interesting story line and I think it can easily develop into a good book in fact. Just because people can't find it on the message board doesnt mean that its bad, it just means that people aren't looking for amazing stories Please, please, please go on!
Please, please, please go on!
"Just one last miracle, please, for me? Just stop it!! Stop being dead right now!!!"- Dr. John Watson
Posted at: 4:23 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Cool, you could definitely go places with that beginning.
I don't need easy, I just need possible.
1.5 yr-old MBer!
Guardian Researcher
I am a:
Christian
HP nut
daughter of Athena
Writer
My name? Jenna Heap, Castle Queen
My NEW story! /34396
Posted at: 5:21 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
CONTINUE NOW!! :) sorry 'bout the capslock :) anyways u must continue!! :)
Ryzee Cahill :)
At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote :)
GO SMILEY FACES :)
Posted at: 6:56 pm on December 29, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
It's intriguing.
Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Thanks guys! Please continue to give comments and if you have any suggestions pleasee tell me!
Prologue Part 2
I had sometimes wanted to know what someone was thinking, but I had never actually expected it to happen in this way. It sent a chill down my spine, and I wondered if just anybody could read thoughts, or if only few people had the “gift”. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that the thing I had always felt at the back of my mind was somebody else’s mind, and that all those years I had felt that presence, that person had been monitoring my thoughts. I felt so exposed, although reassured that, at least, I would be able to tell if somebody was reading my thoughts. I debated whether or not to tell anyone about my sudden revelation, or whether to keep it to myself – until someone read my mind and found out. I finally decided that I would keep it to myself, it was safer that way. As the car turned into the driveway, the one question on my mind was “whose presence is it?” and the presence in my mind returned.
My graduation dinner smelled delicious. It consisted of Bruschetta served on baguette topped with mozzarella cheese, Caesar salad with toasted Italian baguette, Beef tenderloin topped with crimini mushrooms and veal demi glaze, fettuccine Alfredo topped with shrimp and broccoli, and sweet jasmine rice. These were all my favourite dishes, yet I barely ate a thing; I was too preoccupied by the incident that had occurred during the car ride home. Throughout the dinner, I noticed that my dad was staring at me intently, and that he averted his gaze whenever I looked up at him. At the beginning, I took no notice of it, but when he just wouldn’t stop looking, no matter how many times I looked up at him, I started to get a bit edgy.
I considered the possibility, and then decided that I would go into my dad’s mind and find out why he was staring at me that way. I closed my eyes and slowly stretched my mind towards my dad’s presence. When I got into his mind, I was about to search it when my mom called my name. I was startled and opened my eyes. “Evelyn! We have a graduation present for you.” she said. I slowly got back to reality, and when I had finally registered what she had said, I smiled widely “Oh, thanks so much! What is it?” I replied. My dad got up from his chair and motioned for me to follow him “Follow me.”, he said. I noticed my mom look up at him, confused, but my dad just looked at her the way he does when he wants to say “I’ve got this, just go along with it” and she quickly retreated. I followed him and he took me to the study. Usually, nobody went in there but him, so I waited outside the door so he could bring me my present. When I stopped, he looked at me and ordered, “Come in, now.” He said it in such an authoritative tone that I was taken aback, and I walked in. He sat down in his black leather chair. “Sit.”, he commanded, motioning to the other comfy leather chair, facing the one he sat in. I sat down and waited for him to say something; he didn’t. He just sat there, scrutinizing me, in a gaze that made me shiver.
Prologue Part 2
I had sometimes wanted to know what someone was thinking, but I had never actually expected it to happen in this way. It sent a chill down my spine, and I wondered if just anybody could read thoughts, or if only few people had the “gift”. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that the thing I had always felt at the back of my mind was somebody else’s mind, and that all those years I had felt that presence, that person had been monitoring my thoughts. I felt so exposed, although reassured that, at least, I would be able to tell if somebody was reading my thoughts. I debated whether or not to tell anyone about my sudden revelation, or whether to keep it to myself – until someone read my mind and found out. I finally decided that I would keep it to myself, it was safer that way. As the car turned into the driveway, the one question on my mind was “whose presence is it?” and the presence in my mind returned.
My graduation dinner smelled delicious. It consisted of Bruschetta served on baguette topped with mozzarella cheese, Caesar salad with toasted Italian baguette, Beef tenderloin topped with crimini mushrooms and veal demi glaze, fettuccine Alfredo topped with shrimp and broccoli, and sweet jasmine rice. These were all my favourite dishes, yet I barely ate a thing; I was too preoccupied by the incident that had occurred during the car ride home. Throughout the dinner, I noticed that my dad was staring at me intently, and that he averted his gaze whenever I looked up at him. At the beginning, I took no notice of it, but when he just wouldn’t stop looking, no matter how many times I looked up at him, I started to get a bit edgy.
I considered the possibility, and then decided that I would go into my dad’s mind and find out why he was staring at me that way. I closed my eyes and slowly stretched my mind towards my dad’s presence. When I got into his mind, I was about to search it when my mom called my name. I was startled and opened my eyes. “Evelyn! We have a graduation present for you.” she said. I slowly got back to reality, and when I had finally registered what she had said, I smiled widely “Oh, thanks so much! What is it?” I replied. My dad got up from his chair and motioned for me to follow him “Follow me.”, he said. I noticed my mom look up at him, confused, but my dad just looked at her the way he does when he wants to say “I’ve got this, just go along with it” and she quickly retreated. I followed him and he took me to the study. Usually, nobody went in there but him, so I waited outside the door so he could bring me my present. When I stopped, he looked at me and ordered, “Come in, now.” He said it in such an authoritative tone that I was taken aback, and I walked in. He sat down in his black leather chair. “Sit.”, he commanded, motioning to the other comfy leather chair, facing the one he sat in. I sat down and waited for him to say something; he didn’t. He just sat there, scrutinizing me, in a gaze that made me shiver.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 10:06 am on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Really good! This story is slowly sucking me in!
I"m thirteen going into the 8th grade.
I like reading, writing, singing, and dancing.
I like Justin Bieber AND One Direction. Deal with it.
I'm proud to be short.
And I'm a dork!!!!!
-Elzie
Posted at: 10:15 am on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
I think you need to add a little ''pazzazz''. LOL!!!
SneakyClever1
IS AWESOME!!!!!
Posted at: 4:27 pm on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
I loved it. Keep writing/typing!!
Nyx - Alter Ego
Roses are white nightlock is blue its called Catching Fire not Hunger Games 2
I may look happy but I'm not, I'm actually very sad.
Ariel and Nyx
Posted at: 5:52 pm on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Amazing! The suspense really is catching and you definately convinced me to keep reading. Write More Soon Please!
*sorry about all the smiley faces!!*
*sorry about all the smiley faces!!*
“Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?”
~Abraham Lincoln
A chain reaction of COMPASSION
Sandwich (That Kid In Arizona)
Posted at: 8:16 pm on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
THIS IS REALLY REALLY GOOD!
Jay
C-mail me at: /show/34701
♅
Cahill Vesper
Aperture Science
Inventor of C-Mail
CEO of AgentCobra26 inc.
Azturpealean
†
Posted at: 9:35 pm on December 30, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
SneakyClever1, what exactly did you mean by "pazzazz"? I could take that advice a lot of different ways... Keep up the suggestions and comments guys!
Prologue Part 3
Finally, he spoke, but not in his usual friendly tone he spoke in a cold, serious tone, like nothing I had ever heard coming from him. “I know.” He said. I looked up at him, pretending to be confused, in case I was wrong about what he was talking about. “Don’t play dumb,” he said, “I can do it, and now you can too. From when you were young, I could tell that you would have the gift, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon.” He looked at me and saw the even more confused expression on my face, but this time, the confusion was genuine. He laughed, “You’re wondering how I knew? Well, I’ll tell you how. It was I. I was the one ‘monitoring’ you, as you put it in your thoughts. And to answer your other question, not everybody has this gift, although I do not look upon this gift as something bad, as you seem to. You are lucky, and yet you are spurning what you have, where other people would die to have that gift they think only exists in fairy tales.” I looked up at my dad again, this time not with confusion, but with utter fury. “How is this a blessing?” I demanded, “It just isn’t fair to other people! They can’t stop you from intruding into their thoughts; they can’t do anything about it! And most people aren’t aware of it, even though it’s been happening to them. And you! How could you look into my thoughts all those years! It’s a gruesome thing to do, going into people’s thoughts! A person’s mind is the safest sanctuary they have! Gandhi even said ‘You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind’. Nobody could intrude, until this mind reading business came up!” I collapsed into my chair seething with anger, but with no more energy to yell at him, he didn’t even deserve my energy anyway. He looked at me as if I was a hopeless case and said, “Now, Evelyn, you don’t want to raise your voice and bring the rest of the family here. Don’t you think they would be a bit upset if they found out what we’re talking about? To them, none of this exists; think of the shock they’d go through!” I wasn’t about to let him scare me into letting it go. “They wouldn’t be upset that mind reading exists, they would be upset that you’ve decided to actually intrude into other people’s minds, and that you think it utterly normal, and the right thing to do! Now that would shock them!” I heard Connor calling us back to the table so my dad stood up and went to his bureau to get my present. “We’d better not keep them waiting. Our conversation has grown much too long.” he said. He pulled a small velvet box out of his drawer and handed it to me. I slowly opened it and inside was a pair of charming little gold earrings inlaid with diamonds and emeralds, along with a gold charm bracelet with one charm engraved with my name. They were lovely. I put them on right away, but I didn’t bother saying thanks to my dad, I would leave that for the rest of my family. I picked up the empty box, and walked out of the study to the dining room, leaving my dad standing in the study alone.
Prologue Part 3
Finally, he spoke, but not in his usual friendly tone he spoke in a cold, serious tone, like nothing I had ever heard coming from him. “I know.” He said. I looked up at him, pretending to be confused, in case I was wrong about what he was talking about. “Don’t play dumb,” he said, “I can do it, and now you can too. From when you were young, I could tell that you would have the gift, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon.” He looked at me and saw the even more confused expression on my face, but this time, the confusion was genuine. He laughed, “You’re wondering how I knew? Well, I’ll tell you how. It was I. I was the one ‘monitoring’ you, as you put it in your thoughts. And to answer your other question, not everybody has this gift, although I do not look upon this gift as something bad, as you seem to. You are lucky, and yet you are spurning what you have, where other people would die to have that gift they think only exists in fairy tales.” I looked up at my dad again, this time not with confusion, but with utter fury. “How is this a blessing?” I demanded, “It just isn’t fair to other people! They can’t stop you from intruding into their thoughts; they can’t do anything about it! And most people aren’t aware of it, even though it’s been happening to them. And you! How could you look into my thoughts all those years! It’s a gruesome thing to do, going into people’s thoughts! A person’s mind is the safest sanctuary they have! Gandhi even said ‘You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind’. Nobody could intrude, until this mind reading business came up!” I collapsed into my chair seething with anger, but with no more energy to yell at him, he didn’t even deserve my energy anyway. He looked at me as if I was a hopeless case and said, “Now, Evelyn, you don’t want to raise your voice and bring the rest of the family here. Don’t you think they would be a bit upset if they found out what we’re talking about? To them, none of this exists; think of the shock they’d go through!” I wasn’t about to let him scare me into letting it go. “They wouldn’t be upset that mind reading exists, they would be upset that you’ve decided to actually intrude into other people’s minds, and that you think it utterly normal, and the right thing to do! Now that would shock them!” I heard Connor calling us back to the table so my dad stood up and went to his bureau to get my present. “We’d better not keep them waiting. Our conversation has grown much too long.” he said. He pulled a small velvet box out of his drawer and handed it to me. I slowly opened it and inside was a pair of charming little gold earrings inlaid with diamonds and emeralds, along with a gold charm bracelet with one charm engraved with my name. They were lovely. I put them on right away, but I didn’t bother saying thanks to my dad, I would leave that for the rest of my family. I picked up the empty box, and walked out of the study to the dining room, leaving my dad standing in the study alone.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 11:40 am on December 31, 2011
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
You have got ot write more! It is pure awsome!
Why try to fit in if you were born to stand out? -Dr. Seuss
/10029
Posted at: 6:30 am on January 1, 2012
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IT WAS GREAT!!!!!!! will you keep writing please?
hello i don't really know what this is but i'm making it
Posted at: 8:55 am on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Ok. This is the last part for the prologue...
Prologue Part 4
When I entered the dining room, I went over to my mom, hugged her, and thanked her for the beautiful jewelry. Connor even complimented me, which he rarely did when it came to my looks, saying the gold looked nice with my straight black hair. Sarah thought my jewelry was gorgeous and I let her try on the bracelet, although it just fell off her tiny wrist. As I took my bracelet back to put on my wrist again, my dad walked in. I looked up at him, wondering how he would act. He didn’t so much as glance at me, while he sat down in his chair and smiled. He was acting as if nothing at all had happened in the study.
For the rest of the dinner, we chatted and my parents brought up the fact that I would be able to have a year off of education since I was so far ahead and we discussed possible universities for me. I deliberately ignored my dad and only spoke to Connor, Sarah, and my mom. Connor had just finished grade 11 so he just had one more year of high school left and Sarah had just finished middle school. It was around 11 o’clock when conversation broke apart and we went to bed.
I lay in bed, listening to the snoring coming from my parents’ bedroom. All was quiet as I lay thinking about mind reading. It felt surreal; it just didn’t seem possible that it existed. I started to believe that maybe it was all just a nightmare, that suddenly, I would wake up and I would be in the car, riding home from graduation. That’s probably what happened. But as hard as I tried to wake myself up, I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried; and I knew, in my heart of hearts, that, in fact, what had happened was real and I was a mind reader, whether I liked it or not.
I started contemplating the possibility of telling someone about it. I felt like I would explode if I didn’t tell someone; but who? I knew I couldn’t tell somebody out of my family. I had no friends, and if I told some teacher or adult, they’d send me to a mental institute for sure. I couldn’t tell my mom, she would get a doctor and that would lead me to a sanitarium. Sarah wouldn’t understand – she was too young. My dad? He wouldn’t understand. He’d just start ranting about how great a gift it is, to leave people with no privacy whatsoever. That left Connor; but as much as I wanted to tell him, I also didn’t want to burden him. I knew I could get him to believe me, but I just didn’t want to hurt him. I thought and thought until I finally came to the conclusion that I would suffer alone unless I found a golden opportunity to tell Connor; it was safer that way.
Prologue Part 4
When I entered the dining room, I went over to my mom, hugged her, and thanked her for the beautiful jewelry. Connor even complimented me, which he rarely did when it came to my looks, saying the gold looked nice with my straight black hair. Sarah thought my jewelry was gorgeous and I let her try on the bracelet, although it just fell off her tiny wrist. As I took my bracelet back to put on my wrist again, my dad walked in. I looked up at him, wondering how he would act. He didn’t so much as glance at me, while he sat down in his chair and smiled. He was acting as if nothing at all had happened in the study.
For the rest of the dinner, we chatted and my parents brought up the fact that I would be able to have a year off of education since I was so far ahead and we discussed possible universities for me. I deliberately ignored my dad and only spoke to Connor, Sarah, and my mom. Connor had just finished grade 11 so he just had one more year of high school left and Sarah had just finished middle school. It was around 11 o’clock when conversation broke apart and we went to bed.
I lay in bed, listening to the snoring coming from my parents’ bedroom. All was quiet as I lay thinking about mind reading. It felt surreal; it just didn’t seem possible that it existed. I started to believe that maybe it was all just a nightmare, that suddenly, I would wake up and I would be in the car, riding home from graduation. That’s probably what happened. But as hard as I tried to wake myself up, I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried; and I knew, in my heart of hearts, that, in fact, what had happened was real and I was a mind reader, whether I liked it or not.
I started contemplating the possibility of telling someone about it. I felt like I would explode if I didn’t tell someone; but who? I knew I couldn’t tell somebody out of my family. I had no friends, and if I told some teacher or adult, they’d send me to a mental institute for sure. I couldn’t tell my mom, she would get a doctor and that would lead me to a sanitarium. Sarah wouldn’t understand – she was too young. My dad? He wouldn’t understand. He’d just start ranting about how great a gift it is, to leave people with no privacy whatsoever. That left Connor; but as much as I wanted to tell him, I also didn’t want to burden him. I knew I could get him to believe me, but I just didn’t want to hurt him. I thought and thought until I finally came to the conclusion that I would suffer alone unless I found a golden opportunity to tell Connor; it was safer that way.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 2:01 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
AMAZING!
“…But the man brushed the butterfly away, and walked on.”
The Sands of Time
6
Posted at: 4:40 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
It is really good. One of my books has the same theme, but I never finished it. *shuffles about* Where did I put it..?
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
And so, it begins…
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
Exactly…
Posted at: 5:01 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
your story is.......AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Morgan
Janus Council Member-M10
Alice: This is impossible!
The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.
Posted at: 5:08 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Awesome story. The plot sounds like the one from animorphs though. Other than that good work. Im sorry if there are alot of typos im doing this on an ipod touch.
Half Ekat--Half Tomas--All Madrigal
son of zeus
gryfinndor and ravenclaw
host of horus
i LOVE dogs!!
Posted at: 5:27 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
That was really good! Write more!
I am a Saladin League Ekaterina member that goes by the EKTOMALUJA code. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your clues far away.
Posted at: 5:35 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Love it! Keep going!
-CatChasing16
-CatChasing16
“Adventure isWorthwhile”
~Sophia~
Posted at: 8:12 pm on January 1, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
I didn't copy animorphs...I never read the series anyways. The idea is completely original.... This one is a bit shorter than the other posts but it wouldn't have ended well if I had made it any longer. Keep up the comments and suggestions guys!!! I REALLY want to know what you think!
Chapter 1 Part 1
It’s been three years; I’m a thirteen-year-old with no life. All those dreams of me becoming something, of doing something worthwhile, of being a genius, they all went down the drain; my dad made sure of that. He accomplished so much in just three years.
I spent the one year at home, enjoying the break. I sent out my university applications during that year. I applied to the Universities of Cambridge, Harvard, Yale, and Oxford. I didn’t receive any of the replies for the applications I sent, and it was only after a while that I actually became suspicious.
I realized that my dad had something to do with it, what with his odd attitude about him having to check the mail every day. I decided to read his mind, only because he was horrible enough that I wouldn’t feel bad about it. When I pushed my mind towards his, I found out that he had hidden all of the universities’ replies, and that I had been accepted to all of the universities I had applied for. I didn’t have enough time to see where he had hidden them, so I couldn’t do anything about it. Until this day, my mom believes that they just didn’t bother to reply to my applications. I had no idea what his motive was, but I knew that there was more to my dad than met the eye; and I was starting to think that his mind reading powers were only a part of it. And that was the beginning of my dad’s plan to ruin my life.
Chapter 1 Part 1
It’s been three years; I’m a thirteen-year-old with no life. All those dreams of me becoming something, of doing something worthwhile, of being a genius, they all went down the drain; my dad made sure of that. He accomplished so much in just three years.
I spent the one year at home, enjoying the break. I sent out my university applications during that year. I applied to the Universities of Cambridge, Harvard, Yale, and Oxford. I didn’t receive any of the replies for the applications I sent, and it was only after a while that I actually became suspicious.
I realized that my dad had something to do with it, what with his odd attitude about him having to check the mail every day. I decided to read his mind, only because he was horrible enough that I wouldn’t feel bad about it. When I pushed my mind towards his, I found out that he had hidden all of the universities’ replies, and that I had been accepted to all of the universities I had applied for. I didn’t have enough time to see where he had hidden them, so I couldn’t do anything about it. Until this day, my mom believes that they just didn’t bother to reply to my applications. I had no idea what his motive was, but I knew that there was more to my dad than met the eye; and I was starting to think that his mind reading powers were only a part of it. And that was the beginning of my dad’s plan to ruin my life.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 12:42 pm on January 2, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
amazing
Awsome
Might be coming back
Vesper(maybe)
um...
Posted at: 8:25 pm on January 2, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Cool! :) I'm liking it. I started a story thread at http://www.the39clues.com/messageboard/show/11193. Let me know what you think!
I don't need easy, I just need possible.
1.5 yr-old MBer!
Guardian Researcher
I am a:
Christian
HP nut
daughter of Athena
Writer
My name? Jenna Heap, Castle Queen
My NEW story! /34396
Posted at: 5:23 pm on January 4, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Fantastic! I've never read animorphs either but if it's like this I just might. As for tips for writting that's pretty much what I do here on the message board that and write two stories of my own. One is Cahill related and another isn't. The Cahill one is quite popular and I have two other writters who help me with it's creation but my non-cahill nobody reads but me so really don't worry about the comments to much.
But the only things that really comes to mind to advise you about is try to aviod clecheas(sp) ,or over used figures of speech. (ex: heart of hearts) Other than that its great I reaqlly like it.
But the only things that really comes to mind to advise you about is try to aviod clecheas(sp) ,or over used figures of speech. (ex: heart of hearts) Other than that its great I reaqlly like it.
Megan, 19
Green Rider and Honorary Black Sheild.
"Punctuation saves lives!" Let's eat Grandma.(just sayen' I'm no cannibal) or Let's eat, Grandma.
Posted at: 6:07 pm on January 4, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Thanks for all the suggestions! You've helped me so much! So how is this part?
Chapter 1 Part 2
My dad convinced my mom that I shouldn’t send out more applications, and that at 11 years old, it would do me better if I had a longer time off than the one year that we had originally planned for. And so Connor graduated, and got accepted into University of Oxford, although he made quite a fuss about the fact that he was going to university before me, and started complaining that we should be going together, as we had originally planned. Of course, my dad, the “all powerful” stepped in the way and made sure I didn’t. Why? I had no idea.
The next step my dad took was to start giving me mind reading lessons. As soon as Connor had left, my dad would take me into his study every day and make me read his mind for practice. The first time he pulled me to the study for my “lessons”, I flat out refused to do anything. He didn’t do any of the sweet talk I had expected, but instead, he had slapped me across the face, really hard. He pulled back and said, “Now, let’s see if you can be more cooperative, or would you like to go through that again?” My face smarted so much that I just couldn’t bear the thought of another slap in the face so I shook my head. “All right, we’ll start out easy and work our way up in difficulty at a quick pace, so you must work hard. I’m going to think of just one thing, and you have 10 seconds to find out what it is.” The first time I tried, the ten seconds were over before I had even gotten into his mind. The second time, I was too confused by his other thoughts to find what he was thinking of in the present. On the third time, I finally succeeded. I did this about ten times until my dad was sure I had gotten the concept.
“Ok,” he said, “It took you long enough to get that right. Now, I’m going to stand outside the study, and I want you to tell me what I’m thinking about. The distance will get farther each time, so you can get better at mind reading at a distance.” And so I did that. Each time he got farther, his presence kept getting dimmer, and at times, it took me quite some time to locate his presence. Finally, I noticed he had stopped moving farther each time, and I noticed that the more I practiced, the clearer his presence got, even though he was so far away.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, my dad came back and said, “You did alright, but now I’m going to test you for real. I want you to read Connor’s mind.” I gasped; Connor was in another part of Oxford! I couldn’t bear to think of trying to find someone’s presence that far away, and even if I could, it was wrong to read Connor’s mind. “No way!” I said, “I’m never going to do that and you can’t make me!” My dad didn’t seem surprised; I guess he had gotten used to it. He smiled a malicious smile and said, “Oh, I understand; you don’t want to intrude into your brother’s precious thoughts. All right, I guess you’d prefer to relive that slap I had given you, I do believe one slap wasn’t enough.” I felt my dad’s presence enter my mind, and suddenly, I felt a force, forcing me to remember a thought; I closed my eyes, and relived that slap in the face, except that all my senses were magnified, and the slap hurt even more, and the pain just wouldn’t recede. It was like a fire burning my face, eating away at me; I screamed but no sound came out and I crumpled to the ground. My dad spoke using his mind. He said “You must succumb”, and then I passed out.
Chapter 1 Part 2
My dad convinced my mom that I shouldn’t send out more applications, and that at 11 years old, it would do me better if I had a longer time off than the one year that we had originally planned for. And so Connor graduated, and got accepted into University of Oxford, although he made quite a fuss about the fact that he was going to university before me, and started complaining that we should be going together, as we had originally planned. Of course, my dad, the “all powerful” stepped in the way and made sure I didn’t. Why? I had no idea.
The next step my dad took was to start giving me mind reading lessons. As soon as Connor had left, my dad would take me into his study every day and make me read his mind for practice. The first time he pulled me to the study for my “lessons”, I flat out refused to do anything. He didn’t do any of the sweet talk I had expected, but instead, he had slapped me across the face, really hard. He pulled back and said, “Now, let’s see if you can be more cooperative, or would you like to go through that again?” My face smarted so much that I just couldn’t bear the thought of another slap in the face so I shook my head. “All right, we’ll start out easy and work our way up in difficulty at a quick pace, so you must work hard. I’m going to think of just one thing, and you have 10 seconds to find out what it is.” The first time I tried, the ten seconds were over before I had even gotten into his mind. The second time, I was too confused by his other thoughts to find what he was thinking of in the present. On the third time, I finally succeeded. I did this about ten times until my dad was sure I had gotten the concept.
“Ok,” he said, “It took you long enough to get that right. Now, I’m going to stand outside the study, and I want you to tell me what I’m thinking about. The distance will get farther each time, so you can get better at mind reading at a distance.” And so I did that. Each time he got farther, his presence kept getting dimmer, and at times, it took me quite some time to locate his presence. Finally, I noticed he had stopped moving farther each time, and I noticed that the more I practiced, the clearer his presence got, even though he was so far away.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, my dad came back and said, “You did alright, but now I’m going to test you for real. I want you to read Connor’s mind.” I gasped; Connor was in another part of Oxford! I couldn’t bear to think of trying to find someone’s presence that far away, and even if I could, it was wrong to read Connor’s mind. “No way!” I said, “I’m never going to do that and you can’t make me!” My dad didn’t seem surprised; I guess he had gotten used to it. He smiled a malicious smile and said, “Oh, I understand; you don’t want to intrude into your brother’s precious thoughts. All right, I guess you’d prefer to relive that slap I had given you, I do believe one slap wasn’t enough.” I felt my dad’s presence enter my mind, and suddenly, I felt a force, forcing me to remember a thought; I closed my eyes, and relived that slap in the face, except that all my senses were magnified, and the slap hurt even more, and the pain just wouldn’t recede. It was like a fire burning my face, eating away at me; I screamed but no sound came out and I crumpled to the ground. My dad spoke using his mind. He said “You must succumb”, and then I passed out.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 9:45 am on January 5, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
That is the most amazing book begining i have EVER read and i read ALOT>PLEASE KEEP GOING
Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
I like it!
I don't need easy, I just need possible.
1.5 yr-old MBer!
Guardian Researcher
I am a:
Christian
HP nut
daughter of Athena
Writer
My name? Jenna Heap, Castle Queen
My NEW story! /34396
Posted at: 3:51 pm on January 8, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
WOW! Painful!
"Just one last miracle, please, for me? Just stop it!! Stop being dead right now!!!"- Dr. John Watson
Posted at: 10:48 pm on January 8, 2012
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Sorry I haven't posted in a while! SO much school work even though yesterday was the first day back... I won't be able to post as often as I used to, only about twice a week. Anyways, here's some more.
Chapter 1 Part 3
When I came to, I was in exactly the same place I had fallen, no wonder; my dad wouldn’t have wanted to waste his energy picking me up. My face still felt numb from when I had relived that slap; I shuddered, there was so much I didn’t know. I looked up at the grandfather clock on the other side of the study; I had been unconscious for an hour. I looked around the study, but nobody was there, I was alone. I stood up and went over to the study door; it was locked. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and spun around; out of the shadows stepped my dad. “Well, well it took you long enough to come back to consciousness didn’t it? You’re feebler than I would like, but you’ll have to do. It’s not like I’m going to come across somebody else anytime soon, not for what I’m planning.” He said. I looked up at him and wondered what he was talking about. “What plans?” I asked. He looked at me, and in his eyes, I could see how proud, and evil, of a man he was. “Plans? You do not need to know about that stuff, not just yet. Now, I think that’s enough for one lesson. We’ll continue next week.” As he walked towards the door so he could unlock it I asked, “How did you do that? Speak in my mind? And how did you force me to relive that moment?” Ever since I had gained consciousness, that had really been the only thing on my mind and I had been bursting to ask him. “You mean you haven’t found out yet? I would have expected as much.” He replied, “Well, let me put it this way, when you go into somebody’s mind, you can think words, and the person whose mind you’re in, will hear your thoughts; simple as that. And as for your second question, I just thought in my mind that I wanted to relive that moment, and your brain thought that it was you that wanted to relive the moment, so you did.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket and stuck one in the keyhole. “I expect you to practice more mind reading later on today, in your spare time, of course.” He opened the door and I walked out and stormed to my bedroom. I hated that he could control me that way, but there was nothing I could do.
Chapter 1 Part 3
When I came to, I was in exactly the same place I had fallen, no wonder; my dad wouldn’t have wanted to waste his energy picking me up. My face still felt numb from when I had relived that slap; I shuddered, there was so much I didn’t know. I looked up at the grandfather clock on the other side of the study; I had been unconscious for an hour. I looked around the study, but nobody was there, I was alone. I stood up and went over to the study door; it was locked. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and spun around; out of the shadows stepped my dad. “Well, well it took you long enough to come back to consciousness didn’t it? You’re feebler than I would like, but you’ll have to do. It’s not like I’m going to come across somebody else anytime soon, not for what I’m planning.” He said. I looked up at him and wondered what he was talking about. “What plans?” I asked. He looked at me, and in his eyes, I could see how proud, and evil, of a man he was. “Plans? You do not need to know about that stuff, not just yet. Now, I think that’s enough for one lesson. We’ll continue next week.” As he walked towards the door so he could unlock it I asked, “How did you do that? Speak in my mind? And how did you force me to relive that moment?” Ever since I had gained consciousness, that had really been the only thing on my mind and I had been bursting to ask him. “You mean you haven’t found out yet? I would have expected as much.” He replied, “Well, let me put it this way, when you go into somebody’s mind, you can think words, and the person whose mind you’re in, will hear your thoughts; simple as that. And as for your second question, I just thought in my mind that I wanted to relive that moment, and your brain thought that it was you that wanted to relive the moment, so you did.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket and stuck one in the keyhole. “I expect you to practice more mind reading later on today, in your spare time, of course.” He opened the door and I walked out and stormed to my bedroom. I hated that he could control me that way, but there was nothing I could do.
~Nur~
I am the rays of hope of the rising sun,
I am the ambient sun at its zenith,
I am the radiant red of the sunset.
I am light. I am Nur.
Posted at: 7:46 am on January 10, 2012
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Story About Mind Reading! comments and suggestions please!
Hey I've trying to think of something I needed to tell you for the past few days then I thought as I was reading that sometimes it's hard to follow who is saying what. So if you made a new paragraph everytime the speaker switched it would be a lot easier to follow.
Oh And something else I wanted to tell you is that I have a new thread. It's called Tips for Writers so if your interested check it out. What I do is I post tips ,examples, prompts, I answer questions and so on. So If you have time or need help swing by and ask, chat, or try out the prompt.
Thanks and Keep up the good work.
Oh And something else I wanted to tell you is that I have a new thread. It's called Tips for Writers so if your interested check it out. What I do is I post tips ,examples, prompts, I answer questions and so on. So If you have time or need help swing by and ask, chat, or try out the prompt.
Thanks and Keep up the good work.
Megan, 19
Green Rider and Honorary Black Sheild.
"Punctuation saves lives!" Let's eat Grandma.(just sayen' I'm no cannibal) or Let's eat, Grandma.
Posted at: 3:32 pm on January 12, 2012
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